


dismal

by queerbaitings



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Unrequited Love, but there’s requited love as well so there’s that, enjoy i wrote this half asleep, is this iwaoi or kurooi i dunno
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-13
Updated: 2017-11-13
Packaged: 2019-02-01 16:53:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12709017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queerbaitings/pseuds/queerbaitings
Summary: Oikawa was in love with Iwaizumi...right?





	dismal

It started with fleeting touches in their third year of junior high.

Oikawa had never felt this way before—not really. He didn’t even know what  _this way_ was. All he knew was that he liked it when Iwaizumi’s touch lingered too long, or the concerned glances he’d give Oikawa when he knew something was wrong, but didn’t want to address it.

It wasn’t that he wanted to _worry_ Iwaizumi, oh god no. He just loved the reassurance that Iwaizumi  _cared_.

And that was when fourteen-year-old Oikawa Tooru realised he was in love with his best friend.

———

It shouldn’t be a surprise to Oikawa when Iwaizumi comes rushing into the gym and yelling at him. No, it’s a regular occurance.

So why does Oikawa’s heart always beat so fast when he hears those all-too-familiar footsteps?

Oikawa decided to blame it on the extra practice. The extra practice that Iwaizumi was sure to burst into and ruin any minute now. That’s how it always was.

Iwaizumi was worried.

Sure, Oikawa felt bad for worrying him, but he also  _burned_ with the desire to win. That’s why he started the extra practices in the first place—to beat stupid Shiratorizawa.

But when he looked at Iwaizumi’s somewhat-worried-looking face, he dropped the volleyball. Instantly.

The sound of the ball hitting the floor rung throughout the gym. Iwaizumi looked surprised. Oikawa  _was_ surprised.

Why did he drop the ball?

How could Iwaizumi cause his heart to flutter the way it does?

Oh right, fifteen-year-old Oikawa remembered. He’s in love with his best friend.

———

Five years.

For five years, Oikawa had lost to Shiratorizawa.

For five years, Oikawa felt the pain of defeat. The pain of not being good enough.

But nothing could compare to the pain of being in love with someone who could never  _possibly_ love you back. After all, Iwaizumi constantly reminded Oikawa of how much of a pain in the ass he was.

But, still. In moments like these—moments when Iwaizumi was  _voluntarily_ comforting Oikawa after they lost a match—Oikawa couldn’t help but feel a tiny shred of hope.

Only to have it trampled on by his own insecurities. The two years since Oikawa realised his feelings for his best friend had been hell. The constant  _I’m not good enough for him_ running through his brain. The ugly tears, hidden behind pillows and blankets in rooms where nobody could possibly hear his cries.

It was beginning to form a cycle—realise: “ah yes, I’m in love with this idiot.” Keep up your guard. Get your hopes up. Crush your own dreams. Cry until you forget what you’re sad about, rinse and repeat.

Oikawa was on the last step.

Hidden in the confines of his room, Oikawa cried into his pillow. Tiny, choked out sobs barely resembling the words “not good enough.”

Burying his entire face in said pillow, Oikawa didn’t see his door open.

He didn’t see the boy he was crying over shut the door, and sit on his bed.

He  _did_ , however, hear the question/ that were asked: “what’s wrong?” and “how can I help?”

Oikawa only cried louder.

Iwaizumi slid off of his best friend’s bed, shuffling over to him and wrapping an arm around his shoulder.

 _Shit_ , sixteen-year-old Oikawa had thought.  _I’m so in love with him._

———

Their last year.

Their last year as a team.

Their last year at Aoba Johsai.

Their last year  _together_.

Their last year and they lost. Not to Shiratorizawa—to Karasuno, the fallen champions.

And that stung. But Oikawa had no time to grieve their losses. He had to comfort their ace—his best friend, the person he is  _in love with_.

And he did, in a roundabout way. He thanked the people in the stands for cheering them on. Walked out and even stood against Ushijima Wakatoshi, all without shedding a tear.

The ride back to campus was solemn. Himself and his fellow third years would have to leave the volleyball club, focus on their studies and graduating and... _after_. After graduation, where they would all pack up and spread across Japan.

Where Oikawa would go to Tokyo, leaving Iwaizumi behind.

Seventeen-year-old Oikawa didn’t cry over not making it to Nationals. He cried over leaving his best friend.

———

Tokyo was packed with people. There were people Oikawa enjoyed being around (name: Kuroo Tetsurou) and people he did not so much enjoy being around (name: Ushijima Wakatoshi).

Not only did Oikawa constantly run into someone he hated, but he was sharing classes  _and_ an apartment building with said rival. On the plus side, the roommate he had hastily decided to room with was more than tolerable.

Oikawa never forgot to call Iwaizumi whenever he had the chance—he was surprised his childhood friend hadn’t already blocked his number. He also never forgot the feelings he harboured for said friend, even with the distracting presence of his hot-and-charming roommate.

Really, after five years of pining after your best friend, Oikawa was allowed to look somewhere else, right?

”Somewhere else” being said hot-and-charming roommate, Kuroo Tetsurou. When neither of them were swamped with work and assignments, and Oikawa wasn’t busy talking to Iwaizumi, Kuroo proved to be quite pleasant company.

He was funny and, albeit, he liked pushing Oikawa’s buttons, that was okay. He was fun.

And eighteen-year-old Oikawa was falling for his roommate.

———

Iwaizumi was a fleeting thought in the back of his mind. Oikawa never forgot him—never forgot the feelings he held for him—but the feelings were quickly being replaced by the all-too- _requited_ feelings he held for his university roommate.

Every time Oikawa randomly thought “hey I should call Iwaizumi”—despite their calls having tapered off during the past year—the thought was interrupted by Kuroo magically summoning him (“Hey, come back to bed, it’s lonely.” “Shouldn’t you be studying?” “I’ll let you pick the movie—come cuddle with me?”)

It’s not that Oikawa particularly minded—he didn’t mind at all; he craved this affection. All it was was him  _missing_ Iwaizumi.

But, he feared, if he saw him, all his feelings might come rushing back, and he wouldn’t be able to love Tetsurou the same. It was constantly knawing at him in the back of his brain.

Then, when break rolled around, he had his decision. He was going back, alone, to test his feelings.

And when he  _did_ come back, nineteen-year-old Oikawa was certain that the romantic feelings he held for his childhood friend no longer existed.

———

It was a beautiful ceremony, Iwaizumi thought. Oikawa (Kuroo now, he guessed) looked beautiful; looked  _happy_ , standing next to his new husband.

When he approached him, calling him out by that old last name, Oikawa— _Tooru_ —smiled sadly at him.

”I’m a Kuroo now,” he had said.

”You can call me Tooru, if you’d like,” he had said.

Tooru.

Iwaizumi had never once thought about calling his best friend by his given name, but he supposed he needed to now. Calling him Kuroo felt unnatural.

”Tooru, then,” he had replied, unknowing to the way that his friend had wished Iwaizumi would call him that since they were fourteen.

Tooru.

It felt nice rolling off his tongue.

Tooru looked stunning as he waved goodbye, escaping off with Kuroo—Tetsurou.

The male left behind felt... _jealous._

And that’s when a twenty-four-year-old Iwaizumi Hajims realised he was in love with his now-married childhood friend.

**Author's Note:**

> this ‘s a mess, but it’s essentially an “outline” as i plan to make this idea a multi-chaptered fic. 
> 
> :)


End file.
